


I Dreamt of You A Thousand Times (And Finally Held You for the First Time)

by zairiko



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Fluff I think, Kimi no Nawa references, Kinda, M/M, also pls read my notes, entirely in Yanjun's perspective, not exactly a soulmate au, past lives au, takes place in idol producer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 06:44:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14688660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zairiko/pseuds/zairiko
Summary: Lin Yanjun is a strong believer of fate- or at least about being strongly tied to someone and being meant to be, having soulmates, as one would say. People get a bit surprised when they find out, because Yanjun wasn’t exactly the type to believe in things without strong reason. But that’s exactly why he believed in it; he had a strong reason.





	I Dreamt of You A Thousand Times (And Finally Held You for the First Time)

**Author's Note:**

> very strongly inspired by Zen Zen Zense !!! and [this zhangjun fmv](https://twitter.com/breadforyanjun/status/997076774616903682?s=19)
> 
> so maybe if you want to check out specifically which parts of the song and which words, please do check out the lyrics that made me so emo ahaha (i'll paste it in the notes below)
> 
> was listening to it the whole time even  
> maybe after i post this, it won't be as good as i think it is, bc it was made in a moment and i just kinda went wherever it rolled

 

 

Yanjun’s breath hitches as soon as he enters the practice room and hears _it._

 

The thing is, he knows exactly why.

  
  
  


Lin Yanjun is a strong believer of fate- or at least about being strongly tied to someone and being meant to be, having soulmates, as one would say. People get a bit surprised when they find out, because Yanjun wasn’t exactly the type to believe in things without strong reason. But that’s exactly why he believed in it; he had a strong reason.

 

As far as he can recall into his childhood, Yanjun has had dreams. It’s always been dreams of loud, genuine laughter, of the most amazing and emotional of singing voices, and of eyes and smiles too bright to belong to someone in this day and age where the chances of being truly happy was nearly non-existent. It’s always been dreams of a person.

  
  


And that’s why Yanjun’s breath hitches as soon as he enters the practice room and hears _it._

 

 _It_ is the laughter he hears in his dreams. He can and can’t tell if he’s dreaming now that he’s hearing it. He argues that maybe this was all actually a dream. Maybe he was too excited about entering his new company and beginning his first practice as an official trainee.

 

But it wasn’t.

 

Lin Yanjun was listening to _his_ laughter and it was real. For the hundredth time in his short life, Yanjun thinks with more conviction than ever that _he_ might be real. And when Lin Yanjun finally gets to know his name and who he is, he finds himself thinking of thoughts that are new but imply the same things as his other thoughts.

 

Maybe You Zhangjing was who he was meant to be- his soulmate.

  
  
  


Yanjun’s thoughts and suspicions begin to confirm themselves the more he befriends Zhangjing. He no longer holds onto his dreams, dreading waking up, ending them, because he knows he can start knowing Zhangjing more in the life that they’re in instead of just his dreams.

 

He gets to hear Zhangjing sing and laugh and talk and it’s a thousand times better now. It doesn’t have the unclear quality dreams have, and each note manages to strike deep and deeper into his heart.

 

There’s also one more thing he gets to have now that it’s no longer limited to dreams.

 

He gets to fall in love with You Zhangjing.

  
  
  


\--

  
  
  


They enter Idol Producer together, along with seven other trainees and try their best to represent their company as properly as they could and make them proud.

 

From there on, it’s setting their personalities and getting identities so they can get noticed by people and not get overlooked and remembered as just one or two or a group of people in a sea of a hundred. It’s not the most stress-free experience, but the exhilaration only the stage can give them becomes the biggest highlight that makes their time there worthwhile and memorable.

 

But it’s also there that Yanjun starts seeing new things in his dreams.

 

You Zhangjing in tears. You Zhangjing in pain.

 

He’s seen it happen and has been there for the other multiple times in their friendship. But somehow, his dreams make it feel like it’s a thousand times worse, opposite of how in real life, his voice is a thousand times better.

  
  
  


Yanjun is searching, running, stumbling. He thinks there are twigs in his hair and his face can’t help but contort in pain when he feels small sharp rocks both under and inside his shoes. But he continues anyway. He knows who he’s searching for and his concentration helps him ignore every pain his body is facing.

 

He’s looking for You Zhangjing.

 

Yanjun vaguely remembers of flames and rocks and chaos, and of people running, screaming, crying. You Zhangjing might’ve been one of them. His You Zhangjing, swallowed under all of it. His You Zhangjing, completely alone and forgotten.

 

But there’s nothing here. Nothing _now._

 

It’s rocks, trees, and water that’s been here for years. There’s no hint of what Yanjun remembers. Only a place that screams it’s completely different from what he knows.

 

He’s late. Too late.

And he could’ve found that funny because the word ‘late’ has been hurled at him so many times before. But now it’s not funny.

 

He’s at least a decade too late.

  
  
  


He’s never been more glad to wake up that day. He has an hour before everyone else wakes up so he uses the extra time to erase his tears in the shower, but not before looking for Zhangjing and finding him safe and asleep in his bed.

  
  
  


\--

  
  
  


It’s the last evaluation. All of them are so close. He thinks this is the closest he’s ever been to his dreams too. Well, dreams that aren’t Zhangjing at least.

 

But he’s always been a man that stuck to logic and accepted facts, grim as they were. He, Lin Yanjun, who has never entered nor scraped to the edges of the top nine in all four months of the show, make it to the debuting group? He knows it’s extremely unlikely, and he’s accepted that fact before they even stood on the stage. It sounds better saying ‘accepted the fact’, but at the back of his mind, he knows it also means he’s given up.

 

It seems he was wrong.

 

Because Zhangjing is smiling at him and holding his hand. Backstage, where the sea of a hundred people are back but his eyes only seem to ever find Zhangjing and him only.

 

“You can’t just pray for me and the others, you know. You have to pray for yourself too.” Zhangjing reminds him because Zhangjing knows. Yanjun may not have been direct with his words about giving up on hoping that he’d get a spot within the top nine, but Zhangjing read through him so easily anyway.

 

“You need it more than I do.” He says, and he might as well be admitting now that he has, indeed given up in hoping.

 

Zhanghing frowns, but it’s only for a second before he’s smiling at Yanjun again. “Why are you so stupid.” He jokes, but Yanjun doesn’t miss the squeeze he gives Yanjun’s hands and the tender look in his eyes when he silently promises that they’ll somehow make it.

 

You Zhangjing has snatched his heart many times, but in these moments where Yanjun needs someone the most, You Zhangjing has snatched away from him any way of giving up.

 

His eyes can’t relay the thousand words of love and praise he wants to give the other, but he tries to do it anyway. Even if Zhangjing can’t get all of it, he knows he sees it.

  
  
  


_“You need it more than I do.”_

 

Yanjun intended for those words to mean differently. He said those words because he believed Zhangjing would have a higher chance of succeeding and snagging a spot into the debuting group, but now they mean so differently when he’s sitting on the fifth chair, hands trembling.

 

He’s praying for Zhangjing more than ever.

 

He feels the same desperation as he did when _that_ dream happened. He isn’t running this time, but his heart is beating just as fast, and instead of screaming You Zhangjing’s name, he’s praying to hear it announced because he can’t lose Zhangjing. Not now.

 

“--You Zhangjing.”

 

It rings in his ears.

 

For a moment, his and Zhangjing’s eyes meet. Zhangjing is swallowed, not in flames and rocks and chaos, but in cheers and ‘congratulations’ and affections of the people around him.

 

For a moment, Zhangjing is walking and bowing, and making his speech, but all Yanjun can see in his head is the image of finally finding You Zhangjing even after being a decade late. And every step Zhangjing takes up the stairs towards the ninth chair is like him running into Yanjun’s arms.

 

All of it feels unreal. Loud cheers and screaming.

 

But Zhangjing is right in front of him. They’re eyes connect again and Yanjun thinks the thousand words he has for You Zhangjing can make it to him unspoken just like this. In their own world.

  
  
  


After their last bow in the show, it’s then that Yanjun finds himself thinking of thoughts that are new but imply the same things as his other thoughts.

 

He thinks he's finally not so lost anymore. And he thinks the new territory they'll be experiencing after this isn't really scary.Not with Zhangjing by his side. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked it or have anything to say, please leave a comment or hmu at my twt @azhangjing 
> 
>  
> 
> [zen zen zense lyrics and eng trans](http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/kiminonawa/zenzenzense.htm)


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